Asleep

It's almost like I've been dreaming for over a decade. A lot of it is like those vivid, lucid dreams and the others are the kind you can't remember. The more I go on, the more I'm starting to remember and it's getting hard for me. I blocked out a lot that's coming forward again.…

Making Art

   When 2 humans, both crazy and broken fall in love, insanity may occur. It too shall pass because these souls need each other to repair each's eternal souls. The complicated makeup of these people may require multiple resources for repair.      Such as: burning, melting, beating, loving care and attention, delicate touch and…

Why?

    Even cockroaches fight for their lives, why did it take me so long to fight for mine? I still don't have that answer. All I know is the time has come to face a lot of painful issues I've experienced and deal with that emotional trauma.       Knowing my history, you would…

S7

Look, I'm writing all of this from an s7 edge in the middle of nowhere. I can't afford the art work for a good blog and I am not tech savvy enough to create anything unique on my phone right now. These are just my thought, words and memories. I'm not trying to become a…

Baby crying

I'm listening to my six month old baby cry right at this moment. I'm typing as I go to him. When you're told all your life to stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about is what you hear growing up, then you start to believe it. Well fuck, I've had plenty to…

Abuse…

I've been gas lighted, emotionally and mentally abused for years. He preyed on me because I was weak. At least, he thought I was. Everything is about to change now. Under construction begins. 

Change colors until you become the shade you love.

I used to be a horrible person. I changed and feel I'm allowed to change and get a fresh start as many times as it takes to get it right. Just like the leaves changing colors, it can be gradual or seemingly at once. Suffering with chronic pain, depression and anxiety and not having any…

The physical pain outweighs the emotion pain.

I wake up in pain and spend my day and night the same. It never stops for me completely. I've lived like this since thirteen when my first pea-sized abscess ruptured. I remember doing everything to not scream out. I wish that was the least of my worries. I now face Rheumatoid arthritis along with…

Friend(s)

I can't sit here and say everything has always been completely awful. There were a few along the way that stuck it out with me as long as they could. If you can find one or two people you can still call or text after months, even years after talking and they still love hearing…

Hidradenitis Supperativa

For those who don't know, hidradenitis, and I'm gonna shorten it to HS, is the inflammation of the sweat glands that start deep and swell until it breaks through the skin. Pockets of pus form, fill and break. They leave behind devastating scars and cause a severe amount of pain. I remember my first one,…